Someone
Date This Man.
He's 31. He's a software engineer, music nerd, adventure cat dad, and yoga teacher. He built this website. He's a little weird.
First Date Ideas
Low stakes. High vibes.
Bouldering / Rock Climbing
With the crew or just the two of you. We're all amateurs here. Have some fun, build strength, meet some new people.
Park Yoga
Come to a class in the park. Free. Outdoors. Real humans. Play some frisbee and hang with cool people and animals afterwards.
Dinner or Drinks
Classic for a reason. He enjoys conversation and getting to know new people - hopefully you do too.
Paddleboarding
Quail Lake. Sunset. Possibly a concert on the water if timing is right. PaddlePals™ membership included at no extra charge.
Sauna + Cold Plunge
Trauma bonding of the finest variety. Proven to fast-track intimacy, strip away pretense, and produce endorphins. He is an enthusiast. You'll leave feeling incredible.
Concert on the Water
Paddleboards + live music at Quail Lake. The PaddlePals™ founding vision, fully realized. This is the premium tier. If you want to learn more about the full Tim experience and friend group early, this is it.
Tim, in the Wild
// yes, the cat goes a lot of places //
Who He Actually Is
Abs: Confirmed.
He mentioned it in the stats section. It felt wrong not to back that up with documentation. This is what too much yoga looks like. Functional strength over flashy muscles anyday. Yoga = Life
// submitted without comment //
The Hobbies Are Real
"I have a billion hobbies. I've spent my whole life alone. Let's do things."
— Tim, with the devastating simplicity of a man who means it
Yes, He Has Friends.
Park Yoga is a real thing with real people in it. He co-founded it, teaches it, and genuinely enjoys the humans who show up. The park setting was intentional — accessibility matters, no studio markup required.
// photographic proof of social functioning //
PaddlePals™ Is a Real Organization.
Quail Lake. Outdoor concerts. Paddleboards at sunset. He founded this. It has a name, returning members, and a culture. These are his people — the kind who say yes to things and mean it.
// membership is open. the vibe is always immaculate. //
Legitimate Reasons to Say Yes
The Honest Part
Nobody leads with cons. He does. It's a whole thing.
What He's Looking For
Essential. He needs someone to work out with, someone who gets it. His physical health and mental health are closely related. If one fails, both do. He's not looking for a gym obsessive — just someone who participates and takes care of themselves.
It's been a hard life. He feels a lot of feelings. He needs people who find depth comfortable rather than exhausting. Not small talk — actual talk. Vent. Ask questions. Be curious about things and he will be curious about you.
Non-negotiable in spirit. Doesn't need to share every taste — just needs to genuinely feel music. Let him put something on and watch you react. That's the test.
What Being With Him Actually Looks Like
Banal Day-to-Day Bullshit
You will be hard pressed to find someone more excited to run random errands and carry things for you.
Cuddles & Conversation
Touch. Time together. Talking. Being quiet but near each other. He just likes to exist around good people. No performance required.
Occasional Adventures
Most days simplicity is preferred, but he likes to do fun novel things occasionally.
Comfortable Silence
Going on adventures. Sitting still. Both are valid, both are needed. He will not fill silence with noise — unless it's music, in which case it will be excellent noise.
Trauma Bonding (the good kind)
Submitting to brutally difficult yoga practices together. Specifically Ashtanga. Nothing brings people together like shared suffering.
"Put time and effort into getting to know me and I'll do so much for you."
— Tim, meaning every word of itHis Friends Weigh In
// real humans. partially-solicited opinions. //
"[Friend review goes here. Something about Tim being a great listener, loyal friend, genuinely caring human. Or a roast. Either works.]"
"[Friend review goes here. Something specific and a little embarrassing. A story. The kind of thing only someone who actually knows him would say.]"
"[Friend review goes here. Could speak to his work ethic, his music opinions, the yoga thing, the cat thing. Whatever's most Tim.]"
"[Friend review goes here. Ideally something that makes whoever is reading this feel like they're missing out by not knowing him yet.]"
"[Friend review goes here. The more specific the detail, the more trustworthy it sounds. Generic praise is the enemy.]"
// scroll for more · additional character witnesses available on request //
Say Hello
No app. No algorithm. Just an honest, slightly chaotic person who built a website because he's lonely and has strong opinions about audio equipment.
Make Contact
serious inquiries warmly received. dick pics expected.
compatibility questions available on request.